i think i understand now.
or at least i hope i do.
you know how some things are just so hard to get?
yeah well, these past couple of days has really made me think alot about what i want to do in the FUTURE.
oh, that dreaded word.
yeah not just because that prof guy talked to me after the SBL thing, and that brings me to another topic, but because of what really happened throughout the week.
yes about that. dont you think that sometimes when someone says something and they probably think its small and insignificant, but it actually really is quite encouraging and important? well it sort of happened to me yesterday.
i dont know maybe i was thinking really hard about my big DECISION, but yes. ive been getting alot of good advice ( most unexpected) from alot of people.. and i think that it helped alot. and now im on the verge of making my decision.
ahha. does it sound big?
yes well, it is. to me. eventhough my sister chooses to disagree. sigh.
i dont know. i guess some people will never understand.
for that matter, i dont think ANYONE ( living human being that is) can fully comprehend another person.
its just too complex.
so yes. but thats besides the point.
i really think i should be spending my time doing more useful things but uh.. im just not in the proper frame of mind.
oh yes. you know what. i have such a short attention span that i dont think i can cut it as a writer.
i started four stories and i have no intention of ending them
thats so typical of me. ahha
but i mthink theyre really great. does that sound egotistic. but i do! such a pity im not going to finish writing them.
im dying to find out whats going to happen next.
which is kinda freaky really.
and i think this is the longest entry by far in a long, long , long time. my fingers are actually aching and i think thats mostly because im typing in a weird position. ( my arm is wrapped around my knee which is propped up on the computer chair, this is actually affecting my view of the monitor screen so.. sorry if im typing horribly right now.)
yes.okay.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
And it may be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight